Love You to Bits

It’s a classic scene.

There’s a small room with about five or six chairs lined up along the wall.  A man in a suit and tie paces back and forth, hands in his pockets, sweating slightly beneath his crisp white collar.  He’s come straight from the office and a few of his work fellows have joined him for support.  There is a round, white clock above the room’s double doors with big black numbers and a tick-tick-ticking of a thin second hand, followed every 60 ticks by a jolt of the slightly thicker minute hand.  Suddenly, the doors swing open and a man wearing a long white jacket and mint green cap appears, apparently with anticipated news.

“Congratulations!  You’re a father!”

The men all smile and cheer and pat their friend on the back while emphatically shaking his hand.  He loosens his tie, dabs his forehead with his pocket chief and grins real wide.  One of the men reaches into his breast pocket and hands the beaming new dad a fresh cigar.  Here’s to you!  Here’s to being a father!

Ah, the good ol’ days, when the parenting chapter of a man’s life was acknowledged with a Cuban.  Now?  Seemingly, it’s bacon.

Chocolate bacon pretzel rods.   Pork crumble topped cupcakes.   Oatmeal chocolate chip bacon cookies.  Dark chocolate bacon bars.  All week long my inbox has been besieged with manly variations of swine-infused snacks and sweets perfect for honoring Dad on Father’s Day.

I’m sorry, but when did we start rewarding fatherhood with sowbelly?

I am reminded of Real Men v. Quiche, the infamous debate back in the 80s that brought national attention to delicate crusted egg pies and the members of the stronger sex who scorned them, attempting to confirm once and for all that a man truly worth his salt tears roasted flesh from hunted bones and cleans his teeth with a bear claw.

Fathers came out of the waiting and into the delivery room long ago.  Many stay at home to raise their kids.  Real men devotedly support their families, mentor, dote on and selflessly love their children.  If you are all that and happen to love a steamin’ cuppa bacon smoked coffee, bless your heart.  But as recognition for the unique part you play in the lives of your offspring and generations to come, you deserve so much more than fat.

Happy Father’s Day.

© Jennifer Dowd 

(Featured image on homepage:  Vanilla Bakeshop’s Maple Bacon Cupcake.)

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